The Rest

Jokers' pre-match talks frequently end with everyone shouting their name so that new players know it. This, then, is hardly an exhaustive list of ex- or resting Jokers, but if you played for a bit, don't do now and are not in the Hall of Fame, you might find yourself here.

Richard Cooke

Out of all the people on here, Cooke can consider himself the most unlucky to miss out on a Hall of Fame place. A striker with a deadly left foot, he scored five goals in a match twice, albeit against then useless team The Wee Bairns, but dodgy hamstrings limited appearances before he left for Japan. Persistently rumoured to be making a return, perhaps his Hall of Fame omission will finally see him re-emerge.

Steve Corry

Left-sided midfielder who made occasional but effective contributions over the years.

Emilio Fernandez-Corujedor

Fernandez-Corujedor was the only serious rival to Linter's ownership of the 'tactics truck'. For many years he distinguished himself with outlandish tactical contributions to Jokers e-mail discussions, whilst never playing. The best of these was the suggestion that we adopt the 1-3-2-4 system used by Barcelona in the 1994 Champion's League final (in which, as older readers will remember, Barca were taken apart by AC Milan). Appearances were limited by the fact that he had to spend so much time thinking about the game, rather than playing it, but he was actually quite good.

Dan Franklin

Midfielder who was a regular until a serious injury inflicted by one of his own team curtailed his appearances. A skilful player who once scored a goal from long range, he seemed to think this legitimated endless attempts to try and repeat the feat. Also fondly remembered for his ‘zombie’ match, where a hungover Franklin walked around dazed and confused before presenting the opposition with their winner.

Rob Harper

Or Bobby H to his friends. Long-term right-back in the days of the red and black. Last seen being laughed at by a group of kids at Haggerston.

Ewan King

Scottish centre-forward who played a few games at the end of 2004-05 and the start of 2005-06 before breaking wrist and thinking better of it.

Stuart Sparkes

Genuine, quality forward whose trickery left opposition defenders trailing and who managed to find the back of the net regularly. Lost to the career-progression of an MBA.

Paul Tatum

Dependable left-footed utility player

Dave Stephens

Signed from the French lower leagues, Stephens was just looking good, scoring goals and forcing his way into the 2005-06 promotion team, when he decided that promotion was enough and didn't reappear in 06-07. Either still celebrating or burdens of fatherhood became too onerous.

Nick Vause

Many players have played for a long time without scoring. Many strikers have played for a long time without scoring. Not many have played as a striker without scoring for as long as Nick Vause. An entire season passed by with barely a shot in the late Nineties, yet such were the Jokers' meagre resources at this time that the goalless streak continued until he did the decent thing and fell on his sword.

Colin???

Colin was decent value on a number of levels. On the pitch he was a right-back who the Jokers signed late in his career and, as he would admit, after his best years. But he had a great attitude, making his Jokers debut in a 5-0 thrashing by PA on a soaking Friday night, when Paul S-S turned up 30 minutes late with the kit and we only had 10 men. He was always up for a drink, played darts for the Hull FC Supporters club despite following Wimbledon (followed by AFC) and enraged Sterne and the other rampant capitalists with his Trotskyite views. Could always be relied upon to be the first one to fall asleep at Jokers' Xmas parties.

Brendan O'Reilly

Fabulous Northern Ireland schoolboy player who got tricked into squandering his abilities either at right-back or at centre-back around the turn of Millennium. Eventually, the sight of Pete Gamson's defending, which had always concerned him, became intolerable and he left for pastures new.

'Bulgarian schoolboy international'?

O'Reilly isn't the only schoolboy international to have turned out for the Jokers. One trainer-clad match of stunning ineptitude by an alleged Bulgarian schoolboy raised all our concerns over the plight of Eastern European football. Say what you like about Communism, but it did produce the likes of Stoichkov. Socialism one, Democracy nil.

Random Spaniards

They say they'll wash the kit. They say they'll be there on time. They say you have nothing to worry about. All this is wrong. If we're desperate - and we frequently are - we have to be very desperate before we agree to Juan's suggestion that he has a few friends who might be able to play. Honorable mentions here to the brothers Tejedor, Christian and Billy. Juan on his own = brilliant player. Juan + brothers = circus troupe.