Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1.  Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3.  Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.  Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

6.  Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7.  Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.  Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10.  Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11.  Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12.  Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13.  Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14.  Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15.  Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16.   Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

3. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

5.  Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

6.  Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.

7.  Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

8.  Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes. And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

9.  Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Glibido (v) All talk and no action.

11. Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

12.  Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

13.  Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

14.  Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature: Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.

adaptive reuse at its finest .. church come climbing club

http://www.manchesterclimbingcentre.com/

It does work just fine... just have to know how to "work it." You know what I'm talking about... Yeeahhhh! Anyway, I just used it in the lab... worked fine. Maria Sykes

I bought a 1GB Lexar Media jumpdrive today. I think it was $60 with the mail-in rebate... purchased at the Circuit City in Dothan... best deal I've found yet. Good luck. Maria Sykes

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

I swear by my life and my love of it that I
will never live for the sake of another
man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
                                     -- John Galt?

Just wondering where your comments were on the damn page, etc. I did get the postcard... thanks! See you in a couple weeks. Maria Sykes

Sí. I am leaving Santiago after 4 wonderful days... wine tasting, colombian musica y mucha comida. Heading to Valparaíso y mis clases. ¿Dondé es Phil? simpska 

are you in south america yet? phil 

Hey Katie-

I need to know if there is any way you can give Carrie Norton and I some extra info about Grassroots. I just received the aias e-mail that is sent out nationally with some information- but I'd still like to ask you a few questions about it before you're gone for your semester abroad!  Thanks! 

- Lori Fine

Hey!

What can you tell me about the Physics 1500 final?  Any info would be awesome!

Carrie Norton 

Kathleen,

Tufte refers to Edward Tufte, a designer who is giving a lecture on the 28th and 1st.  He deals mainly with transmitting info via images, design, etc.  You might still be able to sign up.  Good student rates.  John Plaster